Gordaen’s Blog

No idea who originally wrote any of these; I received them in emails from friends. They were worth some chuckles, so I thought I’d share:

Wife: Honey… What are You Looking for ?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was just looking for the expiration date.

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Q - What is the difference between mother and wife?
A - One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.

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Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

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Wife: You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”

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Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.

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WOMAN’S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep;
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
Who loves to listen all day long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call - not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind;
Knows what to respond to “How big’s my behind?”
I pray that he loves me, this man, to no end,
Always remaining my very best friend.

MAN’S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.