Spam Conundrum

Hiding amongst my spam this morning I noticed a message from “Isiah” with the subject: Do you have 10 inches? You can enlarge by +4 inches. I wondered if having ten inches was a requirement to obtain the additional four? Ten seems like a nice round number, but fourteen seems a little overboard to me. At that point requests to “think with your big head” might be misinterpreted.

Maybe I’m alone in my thoughts, but fourteen seems like too much… unless you really like horses. Regardless, the email is much more intriguing than another one with the following subject: Hey! How big is your “little” friend? Do you want to enlarge him to 10 inches? Apparently they haven’t heard from the other spammers that I’m ten inches going on fourteen. “Alfonso” needs to get his facts straight. In fact, maybe he should make sure he is straight; He’s a little too curious about my “friend” for my comfort level.

Another email tells me that there are girls “closer than [I] think who want to get to know [me].” Somehow I can’t help but feel that they just want to see a “14 inch trouser snake.” Don’t they love the real me? Maybe they’re just trying to find out about my connections. I can get Rolex watches for “under 250” and total strangers are always throwing credit at me. Sorry ladies, you’re just going to have to get in line.