Gordaen’s Blog

2 Responses to “Haiku: Static Electricity”

1. 1 Robert Stone May 11th, 2008 at 7:30 pm

   Ian,

   Part of my education was in physics and my logical thinking says that the second line should be:

   static — the build-up unseen

   Robert

2. 2 Ian Clifton May 14th, 2008 at 11:11 pm

   Hmm, it could be that way, but I feel like that breaks the line up a little more as far as how it flows. The way I wrote it, each line stands reasonably on its own, but they each flow at more-or-less the same rate. Your version works well alone but I’m not sure about within the poem. I don’t think I’ve slept enough lately to comprehend the subtleties at the moment.

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