Barack Hussein Obama, The Terrorist
Published February 12th, 2008 in Political, Ridiculing StupidityAnyone who knows me pretty well could probably guess that I support Obama. Besides having logical, step-by-step plans that mostly mirror my own thoughts and having a far better understanding of technology than pretty much anyone who is “high up” in our government, he is actually restoring my faith that it is possible to have a president who can speak… without making me cringe. Unfortunately, I have since found out that Barack Obama is a terrorist.
You see, I received an email—widely regarded as the most reliable and accurate medium available—and it said, “Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim.” It also said, “Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta. Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world.” Furthermore, the email said, “when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran.” That jerk! When congressmen are sworn into office, they don’t even use a religious book and he snuck the Koran (Quran) in!
You would think it was bad enough that he is a terrorist, but he isn’t even a Christian terrorist! That had me upset but what really got me was this: “While others place their hands over their hearts [for the Pledge of Allegiance], Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches.” My (Christian) God, man, he is a disrespectful sloucher!
After recovering from these terrible facts by non-torturously waterboarding myself, I realized that they are actually good! Think about it, if we have a terrorist running our country, terrorists won’t attack us! Why would they blow up a country they fully control? After all, Saddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11 and there were no terrorist acts of note in Iraq prior to our war there.
Side with the terrorists, and they can’t get us! I’ve already ordered my suicide bomber’s equipment. And, because I am so dedicated to terrorism, I plan on testing it out when I receive it. I wouldn’t want my suicide bomb to be a dud so that I miss an opportunity to make a difference! Join me and make your point explosive!
LOL For one I welcome our new slouching overlords!
On a related note, here is a conversation I had recently with a member of the “God fearing, down to earth folks” community.
Her: I tell, ya. It’s the end of the world.
Me: Oh yeah? How you figure?
Her: I think they gonna elect the black guy to be the president. Nostradamus predicted we are going to have a black president just before the end of the world.
Me: …. Actually, I think that he meant a black pope… And not necessarily a “black skinned” one - these things are vague like that on purpose so you can interpret them every which way.
Her: oh…
Sad thing is that people who believe in the silly stuff like that actually go out and vote. Which kinda explains how we ended up with the current government.
I never understood the idea of “God-fearing.” It seems to me that if you truly believe in the Bible, God, Jesus, etc. then you should be living a “good” life and therefore have nothing to fear from our loving God… of course, we can see how easy it is to capitalize on fear these days.
I wish there was some way of controlling who could vote that was flawless. For instance, people would have to demonstrate the ability to use logic AND would have to maybe list some of the policies of that candidate s/he is voting for… Essentially, we need a way to weed out the stupid and the ignorant.
Ian,
If you weed out the stupid and the ignorant, there won’t be enough people to need an election. The twenty-four people left can just divide up the government offices between them. I guess that if we have to have 535 CongressPersons, some of them will have to be dogs and cats and a few monkeys, maybe.
Robert
Except that I have a feeling those twenty-four who are left wouldn’t want to be in charge of the stupid and ignorant… instead, they’d probably rather just be left alone (which is probably why they aren’t currently politicians).